Don’t Listen to the Dark Voices

I was just in the presence of a Jewish slanted “inspirational speaker.” This speaker had some interesting advice about mood. She said that she is “famous” in her family for telling them “It’s not the right time.” This happens when she is in a bad mood. She says that we should not listen to ourselves during this time because we will send ourselves farther into a downward spiral. Furthermore, we should not engage w/others when we are in a bad mood.

This advice is very similar to what I have been learning in this book,  that in this book, Peace is Every Step, by Vietnamese Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh where he says that when you are angry with someone. Do not talk to that person or even look at that person until you have worked through your anger (not in those exact words, but this is my take on it).

I have been trying to think of ways to do this with my PMDD b/c the moods are not momentary like they are for most people. The moods last for days. However, I do mark my calendar 10 days before my period is due so that I know when to take certain herbs, but also so I can give myself a “heads up.” During this 10 day period, I try not to engage in any direct confrontations w/people who piss me off. I have to be much better at this with my husband because all it takes is one negative thing from him (and lately there is a lot of negative coming from him) and it can send me and us over the edge to that dark place where we are both miserable and looking to get out. This speaker pointed out that when we are at a good place in our mental health, that one negative thing from our husband, for example, is taken in the context it was given. A momentary snapshot of a bad mood, not a complete indictment on me as a person or on our marriage altogether. Well, now that I’ve written all of this down, let’s hope I’ll follow my own advice.

It Should Be “Ok” to Talk About “Wrong vs. Right”

Go here to see my rant (yeah, I do that) on Chicago Moms Blog on conversations about “right vs. wrong.” I say, enough of this, “I’m not one to judge . . . ” crap. It is ok to judge and it is ok for your children to hear and see you talking about right and wrong. It is “wrong” to steal, lie, rape . . . etc.

Thank You, Nature’s Plus Supplements, for Helping My Son

The pediatrician ordered some blood tests for Charlie because he has never, never, slept through the night even though he is four years old. We know he’s got some sensory stuff going on (he really loves to be held, tightly, when he’s sleeping). The doc suspected low iron. While he did not have low iron while I was nursing him up until age 3, he has it now. In fact, his iron is very, very low. The doc says he has no stored iron at all. If he became sick (hello flu season) he could easily become anemic. The doc prescribed 45 mg of iron in the form of an over-the-counter liquid supplement.

“What does it taste like,” I wondered to the pharmacist. “Here,” he said, offering me a sniff. “Oh dear,” I exclaimed, “Don’t you have anything chewable?” “Let’s see . . .” he said as he checked his computer. “No, nothing. The only other thing is the drops. He wouldn’t have to take as much that way.” So I brought home the drops and mixed it in Charlie’s favorite, grape juice. Always willing to give a food or drink the ol’ college try (unlike my Eva!), he drank most of it. When I offered it to him the next day, however, a look of panic came over his face. “Oh no! Not the grape juice. Not again!” he exclaimed. Then came the bribes. He had been wanting candy corn but I hadn’t indulged him until then. “If you take a dropper full, I will let you have two candy corns,” I bribed. “Ok!” He was game again.

Well, I tasted the stuff and eeeew! It tastes like I’m putting a bunch of metal in my mouth and the aftertaste really lingers. Even though the pharmacist told me no chewables were available, I needed to find out for myself. Guess what? There are a few brands out there with chewable iron pills. I ordered two different kinds from two different cites. We just go the Nature’s Plus chewable iron. It is a berry flavor and Charlie likes it! It tried it, and since there is a bit of an aftertaste and because iron is known to cause stomach upset, I have him a chewable acidophilus as a chaser. Thank you Nature’s Plus! Now Charlie can get the iron he really needs and it won’t be a struggle.

Book Review: This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Trooper

I never would have guessed that a book about a family of three brothers and a sister mourning the loss of their father would be enjoyable and entertaining. Johnathan Trooper’s This Is Where I Leave You is the story of a Jewish family who gets together reluctantly to sit “Shiva” (“seven” in Hebrew for the traditional seven days of mourning in Judaism). The entire story takes place over those seven days.

It was ironic that Chicago Moms Blog and its sister sites decided to review this book at this time (disclaimer: I was given this book) because my husband, like the main character Judd Foxman, buried his father just recently. Without getting too much into Gadget Man’s family details, lets just say that it has been a very, very difficult time, mostly because his relationship with his father was strained, and his relationship with one of his brothers fell apart following their father’s death. In distinct contrast to the Foxman family, my husband’s family did not sit a traditional Shiva following their loss. Trooper’s book describes some of the Shiva rituals such as sitting on low chairs, covering mirrors, receiving guests, sharing cherished memories of the deceased, and reciting Kaddish, a reaffirmation in G-d. My husband’s brother, a non-practicing self-hating Jew and his Catholic wife announced that one evening of a “Shiva” would take place at their home and put out colorful cupcakes and pepperoni pizza (mixing milk and meat is forbidden in Judaism). There were crafts and a moonwalk set up for the children. No one was telling stories of my father-in-law. No one was sharing any sort of emotion whatsoever. Indeed, I believe that had my husband’s brothers sat Shiva, even for a day or two, they would not be estranged from one another as they are now.

Like my husband, Judd’s relationship with his older brother was strained. For years, Judd believed that his brother was unjustifiably holding a grudge. In a moment of clarity, when the brothers finally got together to discuss their feelings, Judd was able to see things from his brother’s point of view. This part of the book really spoke to me. I had been blinded by my husband’s point of view, and never really bothered to look at things from my brother-in-law’s perspective. I had believed that Gadget Man was unjustifiably vilified. I still don’t know why my brother-in-law is so angry with my husband, but I’m much more open to hearing things from another perspective. Thank you, Mr. Trooper, for opening my eyes.

Trooper is adept at pointing out little psychological truths. For example, when Judd’s wife asks him how he’s feeling, he remarks:

Our minds, unedited by guilt or shame, are selfish and unkind, and the majority of our thoughts, at any given time, are not for public consumption . . . We don’t share our thoughts, we share carefully sanitized, watered-down versions of them. Hollywood adaptations of those thoughts dumbed down for the PG-13 crowd (p. 137).

Trooper can be quite poetic at times. When Judd finds his father’s old watch, he remembers clicking the diving bezel around the face of the watch as a child. “The clicks feel different without his wrist anchoring the watch,” he notes. Lines like that brought me to tears.

For links to more thoughts on this book, visit Chicago Moms Blog.

Don’t You Have Anything Better to Worry About?

A recent article in the NY Times really irked me.  The question was whether it was ok to use a “Shabbos  Elevator” (this is an elevator that is programmed to stop on all floors all day so that observant Jews don’t have to push a button) on Shabbat.  I don’t mean to demean observant Jews, but did G-d really contemplate an elevator when he gave us the laws?  The way I understand it, using electricity is likened to “making fire” which is prohibited on Shabbat.  I just wish the Rabbis who sit around arguing this kind of thing would spend their time on greater matters such as, how can we keep mainstream Jews from thinking observant Jews are crazy?  Sorry, but I’m annoyed and I am so glad that people at my synagogue talk about how to better educate our children, how to feed the hungry and promote peace.

Of Course We Didn’t Get the Olympics

Picture after picture of Chicago fans with their mouths dropping open seemed so ridiculous to me. Our city is in crisis! The following is actually a comment I posted to my fellow Chicago Moms Blogger, Miss Lori’s article, Dead Children Walking. I was so worked up over it. Then I decided I liked what I said so much that I wanted to post it here too. You should read what she says about the terrible tragedies that have befallen our inner-city youth. My response was:

I remember volunteering at a charter school in Pilson and one of my duties was to stand outside to usher the teenagers in so that there was no loitering outside the school. “Loitering makes them targets for drivebys,” I was told. Believe me, my heart beat a little faster every time a car drove by during that half hour. I can’t imagine what these children go through every day walking around the neighborhood. The very fact that people (Daley especially) were “shocked” that we didn’t get the Olympics proves that most people, while they are quick to say, “Oh isn’t that a shame about all those young people dying?” Really don’t understand the severity of the problem. Of course we didn’t get the Olympics! While to the naked eye from all the cool tourist spots like Millenium Park, the Museum Campus, and Oak Street Beach, we look like the perfect city on the lake, we simply can’t hide the ugly truth about our children any longer. Generations have been and are growing up without parental involvement. We can’t put all the blame on the teachers, as those in the past like Valis and Duncan liked to do. We can’t rally the parents, because they are too busy struggling with addiction, poverty, lack of health care and gangs to pay attention to whether their young one has clean underwear or has a bedtime story to read. However, we can’t throw up our hands and give up! Something drastic and radical has to be done. If it means year round schooling with longer school days just so we can give the kids a few hours of supervised play on a playground, a place to do laundry and a decent dinner before sending them home to bed, then it has got to be done. Maybe we need boarding schools? If the parents won’t parent, then we’ll have to do it. Of course all of this would be very expensive, but if we don’t pay for it now, believe me, we’ll all pay for it later.

Getting the Flu Shot May Mean a Worse H1N1

When it comes to immunizations, especially new ones, I’m skeptical. Now Canada is reporting that getting a seasonal flu shot may make us more susceptible to the H1N1 flu. Anyone heard about this here in the USA? I was considering the flu shot for Eva and Charlie (not the H1N1, too new for me), but now I think I’ll just take my chances and bulk them up on vitamin D. Let’s all pray the for-profit driven pharmaceutical industry hasn’t sold us out yet again.

Life is Fleeting . . .

I haven’t had time to breathe, and my PMDD is awful this month right NOW but I had to write about a tragic death of a five-year-old girl in my area.  see my post at Chicago Moms Blog here.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

The whole family went to a baseball game out in Schaumburg, Illinois. Read about our wonderful time and why it doesn’t matter whether you are a Sox or a Cubs fan, and why you should take your family to a Flyers game at Chicago Moms Blog here.

Family Time to Lift My Spirits

Gadget Man has been off of work this week on vacation and since Eva started second grade on Wednesday, we decided to take Charlie on a family of three outing to the Shedd Aquarium in the big city. We were happily surprised to find a “dress rehearsal” of Fantasea, their new dolphin show which is so much more than a dolphin show now. Gone are the “don’t litter” lectures and the endless blabbing on of the marine biologists. What they have done is quite magical. Gadget Man and I speculated someone consulted Disney for this new show. Costumes, lights, a boat which flies across the pool and umbrella toting divers dressed in dolphin outfits appear a la Mary Poppins style and drop into the water unexpectedly. The belugas, hawks and penguins join the dolphins for this spectacular show. The only downer was a special pre-show film narrated by Bill Kurtis of how they had to fly the belugas to Connecticut for nine months while the the Shedd was renovated. I can’t believe they couldn’t find or build something suitable and it was better to fly the whales on a plane! I guess I’ve been watching too much Whale Wars and I’ve really come to love those guys. When Fantasea officially comes out go see it!!!