The Sunrise

 My husband came back from a business trip last night so I got to go for a walk by myself this morning.  He leaves at 6 a.m. so, when I begin my jog/walk, the sun is just coming up. It was a marvelous jog to Starbucks and a wonderful walk home.  We don’t have this great view of the city, but the sunrise was just as pleasing.  Ah, moody mommy is in a good mood today.

Sunrise over Chicago ( from a website Tabblo by Crusing):
Sunrise over Chicago  Tabblo website by Cruising


Are We Ever “Normal”?

My mother-in-law asked if I was “back to normal.” I had my D & C this week and I felt like myself again (but now I’m bleeding again which is not supposed to happen). My HCG levels are nominal so we know nothing is growing. The doc wanted to test the tissue but didn’t get enough. I guess we will never know what caused the miscarriage. So, am I back to normal? Not really. We thought our family was complete. After fantasies of a third child, I’m not so sure anymore. What I do know, is that I can’t go through another miscarriage. So our family will have to be complete. I planted it in my husband’s head that, somewhere down the line, I would like to take in a foster child. He looked at me like I was crazy. In my past life as an attorney, I served as a guardian ad litem to abused and neglected children. Boy oh boy do they need good foster parents. I don’t know how good I’d be, but at least I know I won’t abuse them like so many foster parents do. Yes, so many of these children are taken from their homes of abuse and neglect only to be abused some more by strangers (or other relatives). Anyway, it is just an idea I have had ever since I worked there. Since I was pregnant with a potential third, I could actually visualize our house with three children. I liked what I saw! I guess this feeling is “normal.”

Happy Father’s Day

Homer Simpson of The Simpson’s Fox TV Matt GroenigHomer Simpson of Fox Television’s The Simpson’s by Matt Groeing

Yesterday was my son’s birthday party. That morning, I was called in by the doc to have an ultrasound. There is nothing in the sac (a blighted ovum?) and it is still the size of a four week old. My HCG levels are still going up, and even though my ovaries looked good, he is still a bit worried about an ectopic. I will have a D & C this week. The birthday party was exactly what I wanted and what I imagined living in the ‘burbs with a backyard would be like. The kids ran around in the sprinkler and had a fantastic time! We chatted with neighbors and family for hours. I really needed that after such sad morning news. By the time we put the kids to bed, I was exhausted! I passed out next to my daughter after reading her a story. My husband really earned his Happy Father’s Day — he totally cleaned up everything! I woke up at 10:30 p.m. and wandered downstairs to find the house totally in order. What a sweetie! I really feel lucky to have him. I think he feels sorry for me right now.

Words of Wisdom

Don’t have work done on your house  so that it causes the entire house to be covered in plaster dust while you are having a miscarriage and  while your kids are home in between school ending and camp beginning and when your husband has to come home very late from work that day.  Enough said.

Simple Pleasures of a Vegetable Garden

Despite all the death, there are lots of things to celebrate around here. My children keep laughter in the house. I have my fresh veggies from the “garden.” This year, we had to relocate the garden to containers on our deck because a new storage shed covered up my garden space. I could have found another space, but I was feeling much too lazy to dig up the grass, till the soil, etc. This year we planted three different kinds of lettuce, Japanese Eggplant, two kinds of heirloom tomatos, basil, chives and a sweet pepper plant. Nothing is quite ready yet except for the basil, chives and lettuce. I’m about to go pick some lettuce right now for my salad. I think I could really like being a farmer. I’m not sure I’d be willing to work as hard as most farmers, but I really love the satisfaction of watching something grow and enjoying it. All of our plants are organic, of course.  I buy my plants from the Green City Market in Chicago every year.  I buy organic seeds from our local nursery.  No pesticides are EVER used in our backyard.  Even if you only have a balcony, I highly recommend growing something edible.  It is a delicious and satisfying way to feel like you have actually accomplished something.

Moody Mommy’s Backyard Cemetary

Death is in the air here at Moody Mommy’s house. In addition to my miscarriage, two our of our three fish died, our dog got two baby bunnies and he attacked a mommy bunny. We also had a dead bird sitting in our yard (I found out too late that the people monitoring West Nile Virus in our area would have liked to get their hands on that one). Earlier this week, after I turned on the tank light and began to put out the fish food for my daughter to sprinkle into the tank, I noticed that red line on the thermometer was way too high. The water felt like a hot cup of tea. To my horror, one of her fish was stuck to the heating unit. Another was dead on the bottom. I yanked the faulty heater out immediately. I managed to rescue the one alive by emptying half the hot water and replacing it with cold tap water. I was frantic and I’m sorry my daughter saw me that way. She got these fish for Chanukah this year. When the first fish died, she was inconsolable. We couldn’t have any sort of burial ceremony because the snail ate it. At the advice of her preschool teacher, we said some prayers. She colored a memorial to the next two fish that died and that picture is posted over her bed (where she wanted it). She didn’t seem that bothered by the tragic end to these last fish who were boiled to death. I, on the other hand, was really disturbed by the whole thing. Tonight was the last straw. Shortly after lighting the Shabbat candles, we heard a high pitched screaming coming from the backyard. My husband said he knew that sound well and ran out the back door. When he rescued the mommy bunny out of the jaws of our dog she tried to hop away but could only move its front legs. My husband yelled to me for the shed key. I knew he wanted to to get the big shovel to put it out of its misery, but I wouldn’t let him. There is no way I wanted to know that my husband could whack a bunny on its head, even to help the bunny die a quick death. We contacted animal control and they took more than ten minutes to come. She died in my arms wrapped in two towels. I think it was a more pleasant way to die instead of watching a man come at it with a shovel. Maybe she was just being nice, but the woman from animal control said I did the right thing. I just don’t think I can deal with any more death. Yeah, circle of life and all of that, but do I have to have so much death all in one week? Of course, I told my children that the mommy bunny will be all right. I had to spare them that. It took all my energy not to break down and cry in front of them.

Paris Hilton on National Public Radio?

On my way back from the ultrasound, I flipped on NPR for a bit of news (I had been sleeping most of the day).  I could not believe my ears when I heard a report about Paris Hilton’s release from prison to house arrest.  When I arrived home, I told my mom about it.  She said, “All of that is a big ‘so what?'”  While normally I agree with her, I am really really against driving drunk.  In my opinion, it is no less dangerous than shooting off a gun on a public street.   That person should be severely punished.  I guess she had some sort of medical excuse to return home.  I can only guess she had a mental breakdown.  I have been in jails in my former life as an attorney and I would probably have a breakdown too.  Anyway, I just wish that she, like anyone else who has decided to get behind the wheel drunk, will NEVER, NEVER do it again.  Indeed, although I am Jewish and therefore disappointed by Mel Gibson’s anti-semitic and misogynist comments, I was much more upset that he was driving drunk!  He has the right to feel and say whatever he wants, but he has NO right to put others in danger.