Miscarriage and Secrecy

I may have miscarried b/c I’m bleeding. However, I bled throughout my pregnancy with my son so we don’t know what is going on yet. My midwife is checking my HCG and progesterone levels. I took the tests Friday and Sunday and I can find out a bit more of what is going on today and at the very latest tomorrow when my midwife returns to work. I miscarried early on between my daughter and my son. At that time, I was devastated. I’m kind of an open book with most of my friends so I told a few. My daughter and I were in a mom and tot class, and although I liked the moms, I didn’t know them well enough to share my sadness. By the end of the year, I had become better friends with two of those moms and we discovered that all three of us miscarried in the same month. If society hadn’t taught us to be so secretive about miscarriage, we could have gone through it together. What is it with miscarriage? We don’t share the news of our pregnancies until after the first trimester. I assume we do this so we don’t need to share the news of our miscarriage. Are we supposed to be ashamed to have a miscarriage? I’m not! I know that at the time it would have been difficult for me to discuss it with acquaintances b/c I wouldn’t want to break down and cry and scare them or something, but isn’t there a better way? Perhaps the problem is that people don’t know how to respond to such news. One of my old high school friends actually replied, “Well, if it had happened to me that early (8 weeks) I would have just thought, oh well.” OH WELL!!! I couldn’t believe someone actually said that to me! Perhaps we just need to educate people. What do you believe the correct response should be? I believe it should be, “I’m sorry.” If you feel so inclined, you can add, “I’m here it you want to talk about it” or something like that. Is that so hard? Indeed, I will always look at that “oh well” friend differently. Still, I believe that those cold people are few and far between. I say, there is no shame in miscarriage and it is about time we women talk about it out in the open!

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One Response to “Miscarriage and Secrecy”

  1. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker Says:

    Oh I’m so sorry to read this! I lost my third pregnancy while curled up on my bathroom floor with no one to call. The second pregnancy I lost at Christmastime (2003?). My sister has had several. Since we have such advanced technology today we’re catching more pregnancies than ever before, because in the old days they were called “late periods” or “skipped periods.”

    Even if you didn’t plan the pregnancy, or even if you don’t ever want to give birth again, it’s still devasating to let go of the visions of your future. Sort of like the path not taken, etc. etc. What could have been.


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