The Poster Child for What NOT to Say About Miscarriage

My mother-in-law is that poster child. Providing more evidence against my own assumption that most people know how to react to news of a miscarriage, at the news that I’m pregnant, but that the pregnancy may be in trouble, my own mother-in-law responded, “Well, since it is so early and you’ve been through this before, I guess you won’t be too broken up about it.” Excuse me? How does one respond to that? My husband said, “Well you are wrong about that.” I was proud of him. Now I’m just sorry we told her to begin with. I felt we had to when I arrived home from another blood test with a big band aid on my arm to find her watching the kids (she stopped by and relieved my mom from babysitting duty). She also kept droning on and on about how she thought we didn’t want any more children. We tried ignoring her, but she must have repeated it five times! Finally, I replied in a very loud voice, “We were pleasantly surprised.” Oh but that didn’t shut her up. She said, “Oh, I thought I was done having grandchildren.”  Enough already.  Yesterday, I found out the blood test results.  My HCG levels went from 176 to 201 to 216.  That is VERY BAD NEWS.  I started bleeding and cramping.  The nurse midwife said the levels are so low that I am most definitely miscarrying.  I will have an ultrasound later today to make sure it is not ectopic and to see what is going on.  By the way,  when my mother-in-law called this morning to say she was sorry about the miscarriage, she added, “I guess it is bittersweet.”  I understand the bitter, but where is the sweet?  I guess she has helped me b/c now I’m pissed at her instead of very sad for myself.

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