Moody Mommy’s Backyard Cemetary

Death is in the air here at Moody Mommy’s house. In addition to my miscarriage, two our of our three fish died, our dog got two baby bunnies and he attacked a mommy bunny. We also had a dead bird sitting in our yard (I found out too late that the people monitoring West Nile Virus in our area would have liked to get their hands on that one). Earlier this week, after I turned on the tank light and began to put out the fish food for my daughter to sprinkle into the tank, I noticed that red line on the thermometer was way too high. The water felt like a hot cup of tea. To my horror, one of her fish was stuck to the heating unit. Another was dead on the bottom. I yanked the faulty heater out immediately. I managed to rescue the one alive by emptying half the hot water and replacing it with cold tap water. I was frantic and I’m sorry my daughter saw me that way. She got these fish for Chanukah this year. When the first fish died, she was inconsolable. We couldn’t have any sort of burial ceremony because the snail ate it. At the advice of her preschool teacher, we said some prayers. She colored a memorial to the next two fish that died and that picture is posted over her bed (where she wanted it). She didn’t seem that bothered by the tragic end to these last fish who were boiled to death. I, on the other hand, was really disturbed by the whole thing. Tonight was the last straw. Shortly after lighting the Shabbat candles, we heard a high pitched screaming coming from the backyard. My husband said he knew that sound well and ran out the back door. When he rescued the mommy bunny out of the jaws of our dog she tried to hop away but could only move its front legs. My husband yelled to me for the shed key. I knew he wanted to to get the big shovel to put it out of its misery, but I wouldn’t let him. There is no way I wanted to know that my husband could whack a bunny on its head, even to help the bunny die a quick death. We contacted animal control and they took more than ten minutes to come. She died in my arms wrapped in two towels. I think it was a more pleasant way to die instead of watching a man come at it with a shovel. Maybe she was just being nice, but the woman from animal control said I did the right thing. I just don’t think I can deal with any more death. Yeah, circle of life and all of that, but do I have to have so much death all in one week? Of course, I told my children that the mommy bunny will be all right. I had to spare them that. It took all my energy not to break down and cry in front of them.

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2 Responses to “Moody Mommy’s Backyard Cemetary”

  1. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker Says:

    Ya know . . . My gyn put me on Zoloft after my first pregnancy and I was on it for 6 months. I was obsessing about horrible things, focusing on death, my head fixating and spinning. The relief I felt on day 2 of the Zoloft was remarkable.

    It’s possible to have PMDD while pregnant. You can also have PMDD and post-partum depression at the same time. Each makes the other worse, which sucks. So don’t think it has to be an either/or . . .

  2. moodymommy Says:

    Thanks for the comment HPS. Since my miscarriage is definite, I started back on 50mg of Zoloft today.


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