I am a Human Pacifier


(Maggie Simpson of FoxTV by Matt Groeing)

I took my two-year-old’s pacifier away (this was, of course, before we went on vacation and he got the stomach flu). I figured, hey, he’s not sleeping well anyway, now is as good a time as any. We put them in a baggie and pretended to give them to his baby cousin B. Now, whenever he thinks about it, he says, “Baby B took my pacifier?” I remind him that we gave it to her. Anyway, I hope he doesn’t harbor any long term resentment toward her. Now, I am the pacifier. He screams and screams for me in the middle of the night. Daddy just won’t do anymore. So, now I’m spending half the night on a twin air mattress in his room with him next to me. For three nights now, I have been telling him that we can only nurse in the morning, not in the middle of the night. If I hold him while we sleep, he is usually ok about this. To top it all off, he is getting his two-year molars. There no way I’m going to ever let him see those pacifiers again. I guess we’ll all have to settle for mommy, the human pacifier. As they say, “you made your bed . . .” now I’ve got to go lie with him.


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