I never wanted it to go this way, but I cut Charlie off cold turkey. Our nursing relationship began like any other, with a few glitches along the way. He nursed exclusively for six months, then we began to introduce solids. He’s never been much for food, opting for my breasts instead. His desires never seemed to be satisfied. As an infant, he would nurse for hours on end. Just days away from his third birthday, there were no signs of tapering off. He wanted to nurse every time I sat down and every time I lay down. He could nurse for a good half hour and still ask for more!
I have been waiting and waiting for him to show signs of weaning. I just want to be able to sit down w/out having to get out my breasts. My husband, who was supportive up until recently, told me to just cut him off. I haven’t been ready to do that. I’m sure that the nursing is filling some need he has. Others tell me Charlie has been taking advantage of me. I never saw it that way. But I’m ready to have my body back. I’m ready to be more than just a milk machine to my son.
Today is Thursday, and he hasn’t nursed since Sunday afternoon. Sunday afternoon, I left to spend a night away in a hotel. Before I left I explained that I was going to “have my milk taken out” and that I wouldn’t be able to make any more milk. I nursed him one last time and asked him to say “goodbye” to the milk. Sure enough, as soon as I walked in the door the next day, he asked for milk. “Charlie, you know I don’t have any,” I replied. He didn’t take “no” for an answer. He asked me if he could just “see” if the milk was gone. He wanted to “try” them out. Of course, I can’t let him try. I have lots of milk left and my breasts are killing me (that’s a whole separate post).
Charlie is still asking for milk at all the “usual” times: upon waking, after my morning shower, prior to the afternoon nap, prior to bedtime, and whenever I sit down. It has been really difficult for me to say “no” to him, especially when he gets hurt. Nursing was the easiest way to comfort him after a fall or a bump. I feel very sorry for both of us. I miss being able to comfort him so easily. I miss having him in my arms drifting off to sleep. This is my last child, and I will never nurse again. I have to come to terms with that too.